El Conquistador

It's Wednesday so I must be in.... Puerto Rico.

Did the corporate logo thing for H&R Block on Palamino Island. Nice digs but this is one of those weird places to be alone at. Incredibly expensive - I could tell immediately by the fat per diem envelope waiting for me at the concierge's desk. Couples or families abound in resorts like this and the wait staff seems mystified/horrified having to deal with someone like me. Will madam be dining alone tonight? as s/he nervously swipes the table of three place settings. Yes madam will -- do you have a problem with that?

I have eaten at the same terrace cafe two nights running. Last night the waitress couldn't wait to be rid of me. Maybe she saw in me her own future. (Horrors!) Or maybe she coveted her fellow waitress' table of harried housewife and petulant teenagers. Big tippers, no doubt.

Tonight's waiter was far craftier - solicitous and anticipatory, he didn't wait for me to ask before boxing up the remains of my too-big meal and suggesting a second glass of wine that I didn't even know that I wanted ... until he asked. And never did he make me feel like I was taking up valuable real estate as I slowly sipped and read my magazine. He called me "Lady" which I found sweetly endearing -- "I enjoyed serving Lady tonight" he beamed -- almost like he meant it.

Well sure I tipped him big. Lady has a big per diem allowance that she does not intend to go home with.